From Fear to Honesty

What if instead of fearing that the truth might break you, you considered it might break you open? — SMD

What does honesty have to do with my fears? Lots.

First of all, for a long time, honesty wasn’t part of my life. Now, don’t get me wrong — I was a “good girl” and I always followed the rules and told the truth. I never stole or acted with malice. I went to confession and told the priest EVERYTHING.

And yet … I didn’t always tell my truth.

That’s different from the truth, right? To me, the truth is about the facts of a situation, while my truth is about an inner experience, unique to me, that gives meaning to the facts.

I never shared that one.

Sometimes that was because my environment didn’t want to hear it (or so I perceived); other times it was because I chose not to share it as a means of self-preservation.

Either way, I didn’t feel I could tell the real story of what was going on inside of me because it didn’t feel safe, so I stopped listening to what that actually was. Over time, my truth, my realness … how I honestly felt and what I deeply wanted … all of that started to erode like sand pulled out with the tide, day in and day out.

So, fear stopped honesty from being part of my story.